If you don't have a partner, jerking yourself off isn't such a bad thing. Wacking off has an advantage in that the hand that grips is part of the same neural system as that part that cums. What this means is that errors in masturbation technique will be iteratively corrected so that optimum stimulation will be reached. Whatever. This can be a good thing, but of course for you out there who are curious, what sort of techniques can be done to simulate the feelings of real sex?
Well, I have some news for you guys. Sex with a woman can't be accurately imitated - there are simply too many factors to be accounted for. It's kind of like the difference between hitting a tennis ball on a bangboard versus rallying. In the following sections I will provide tools that may provide a better "bangboard". Still, these things won't replace the wonderful feeling of banging your erect penis into a hot and willing pussy,mouth or ass.
The following section was excerpted from the (apparently now defunct) alt.sex.wizards FAQ. This section describes how to manufacture an artificial vagina (simalacrum) This project is quite simple to manufacture, and works well, however it's not the same as the real thing. Fabrication time should be less than an hour. I will include the FAQ excerpt, then some of my comments.
This was excerpted from the alt.sex.wizards FAQ part 1.
Category 1. A wizard's materials: c1-1. How does one make a simulacrum (artificial orifice)? From: "The Contrivor" Question - We all know women have vibrators and water massagers, but is there any really good (orgasm inducing) sex toy for men? Answer - Yes, and you can make it yourself. There are commercial alternatives as well, but they are not very satisfactory. The device described below, called "the simulacrum", can be used alone or with a partner. It can also be held between the legs of a partner, constituting a form of "safer sex". Materials: 1. A piece of foam rubber, approximately 4" x 5" x 6-7". Generally, the softer the foam the better. You may want to try more than one grade of foam. High quality, soft foam can be purchased at a good upholstery fabric store. 2. A latex, non-lubricated condom. The best brand for this application is "Gold Circle Coin". 3. An O-ring larger than the diameter of the man's penis. The average penis is about 1 1/2" in diameter, so the typical O- ring might be a 1 3/4 inch inner diameter. A good hardware store will have many sizes of O-rings. 4. A water-based personal lubricant. The best is probably "Astroglide". Look in any drug store near the female hygiene/contraceptive department. 5. A wooden clothespin. Construction: 1. Cut a slit through the length of the foam, being very careful not to cut yourself. I recommend wearing leather gloves and using an electric turkey carving knife. It can be done with a sharp knife, but is considerably more difficult. Make the slit about 2" wide, going through the whole length of the foam. You want plenty of foam all the way around the slit, so try to centre it. See the diagram below. __________________ /. /| / . / | 6-7" / . / | / . _____ / | / . . . / | / .___.___.___/_____| / / . . / / ------------------- / | / . . | / | / . . | / 4" | / ----- | / | / 2" slit | / |/ |/ ------------------- 5" Usage: You may want a wet washcloth available. 1. Unroll the entire condom. 2. Bring the open end of the condom through the O-ring, then stretch the open end of the condom over the O-ring, the way that a plastic trash can liner goes on a trash can. 3. Lubricate the inside of the condom with a water-based lubricant, working the lubricant around to insure that there are no dry spots. DO NOT USE skin lotion, vaseline, baby oil, vegetable oil, or any oil based lubricant. Use a water soluble lubricant such as below: - Astroglide personal lubricant - Prepare personal lubricant - HR jelly - KY jelly - Today personal lubricant 4. Push the closed end of the condom down into the slit in the foam. You may find this easier with the wooden clothespin already clamped onto the tip of the condom. 5. Reach through from the other end of the foam and pull the closed end of the condom through. Fasten the clothespin on this end; If the condom is stretched tight a smooth texture will be achieved, if left looser a rougher texture will be achieved. 6. Lubricate the penis with the water-based lubricant. If you use an oil based lubricant, the condom will break. 7. Wipe your hands off on a wet wash cloth. 8. Insert the penis through the O-ring into the foam slit. You may find this difficult if the inside of the condom is not fully lubricated, or if the slit is too small. The width of the slit will determine the fit. You may wish to vary this width to find the perfect fit. Be careful -- too tight and you may irritate your penis -- never a good thing! 9. The foam may be moved with hands, or wedged between pillows, or against a bed. It is recommended that the user experiment with various speeds, angles, pressures and so on. Slow rotation is particularly recommended. It is possible to rotate, flex, change the angle of movement etc., in order to provide different effects. Also, the amount of lubricant used and the tension on the condom before attaching the clothespin will affect the texture and sensation achieved. Also, a drop or two of honey may be added as a thickening agent, to increase the amount of friction. I'm interested in hearing feedback about the simulacrum. Please post your feedback to alt.sex.wizards. - The Contrivor --------------------------------------- c1-2. What other masturbatory aids are there? From: Snugglebunny (email@example.com) When it comes to sexuality of all kinds, including self-love, creativity and imagination is your most important tool. Look around your home--there are all kinds of things that can be used for fun. Hand-held shower heads to massage with...fabrics with different textures to run sensuously over bare skin...you get the picture. One alt.sex.wizards reader wrote: Having read the informations about a simulacrum building, I was reminded of my happy childhood :) I consider this a bit more work than strictly necessary. I had had nice experiences with (I do not know the proper expression) inflatable "air wings", the things you put on children's arms and inflate to prevent them from going under water. You can inflate as much as you personally like, and need no handiwork, just lubrication. Play around with household items, and, if you have a personal favourite sex toy, write to me (firstname.lastname@example.org) to share the idea with other alt.sex.wizards readers! BTW - You might find something interesting in the alt.sex.masturbation FAQ.
Since placing this information on the web, new information was sent to me by The Contrivor.
A postscript from The Contrivor: (Jan 1998)
There is now an alternative to latex condoms -- "polyurethane" condoms. The brand name is "Avanti". The significance of the urethane rubber is that it is synthetic, and can handle oil based lubricants without disintegrating.
This opens up many new lubricant choices to Simulacrum users. Here are some possibilities:
1. Vaseline (VERY THICK FEELING)
2. Albolene (medium thickness)
(This can be found in the makeup section of
3. Coconut oil (lighter)
4. almond oil (thick, but different)
5. corn oil (light)
6. lotions, crisco, banana pulp, butter, etc.
Also, it's nice to mix a water based lube with a oil lube using the urethane condoms -- good slickness but more sensation.
On the subject of foam, I have found that large foam sponges, like the kind
sold at hardware stores, work pretty well. They are inexpensive, and some of
them have an hourglass shape which is
A second postscript from The Contrivor: (Mar 12 1998)
Q: I enjoy masturbation as a supplement to sex with a partner. I've been using my hands, which is OK, but lately I've been thinking about making some kind of "fake pussy" or "artificial vagina". Ideally, I'd like something that totally surrounds my penis, with slippery, velvety, flesh-like sensations. Is this unrealistic?
A: No, it's not. Here are a few tried and true homemade masturbation devices. By the way, these ideas can be used with a partner as a form of safer sex.
It sounds funny, but the insides of a cucumber are softer than you might think. Carefully scoop the insides out with a spoon, (you may need to use a small knife as well, be careful not to cut yourself), and poke a small hole near the end for air to escape. Cook the cucumber in the microwave for 30-45 seconds -- this softens the flesh of the cucumber. Then, soak the cucumber in cool water until it is no longer hot. You do NOT want to burn your penis! Now, wrap the cucumber skin with duct tape. At this point, if it has gotten too cool, warm it up with some hot tap water. Lubricate the inside with Vaseline, oil, Albolene, or Astroglide. The sensation is delicious, somewhere between the feeling of a vagina and a moist mouth.
You can create suction by putting a finger over the vent on the out stroke.
Try making a "shorty cucummer" just big enough to fit the head plus an inch or two couple of inches. This way you can stretch or stroke the shaft with one hand while spinning the cucumber on the head with the other.
Don't forget to try this: spin the cucumber back and forth between the palms of your hands while fully penetrating the it. Ecstasy! Unless you have spent time in Thailand you probably have never rotated to orgasm before!
The sensation is a little rougher than the cucummer, but still very enjoyable. Find a banana your size, and cut off the stem. Without peeling the banana, scoop out most of the contents. Leave a little in the end. Make sure it looks like it will fit, then wrap it in duct tape so it won't split. Warm the resulting sleeve with hot water. Use a little banana pulp and some Albolene as lube, and enjoy your bananapuss!
Follow the same instructions as cucummer, above. Papayas are a bit softer, but more expensive and only available seasonally and regionally.
Commercially available for around $20 US, these sleeves are somewhat unique. There is a suction buib which allows the oro-stimulator to slither on and off you you without using your hands, or you can use your hands and create suction. The biggest disadvantage is that the penis head is not fully engulphed by the sleeve material, there is a rigid cup at the tip, thus leaving a gap around the glans. By doubling up the material you can correct this, but then you lose the slithering feature. There is potential there, but this concept is not perfected in my opinion.
Directions for this can be found on the web in various places. (Search for "Artificial Orifice") This was developed back in the late eighties and was included in the alt.sex.wizards FAQ file. Basically, a simulacrum is an artificial orifice made out of foam rubber, a condom, and O-ring, and a clothespin. Many men have reported good satisfaction with the simulacrum.
Do you have a special way of wacking off? Send me your technique if you would like it included here: